Will The Circle Be Unbroken?
by EloraCooper4
Summary: At a Life Support meeting, the group recognizes the absence of someone who was always there for them.


Note: I wrote one fluff so I was hit with about 50 ideas for sad fics haha. The song I use at the end of the fic and as the title, doesn't really relate specifically to the fic but I found myself humming it as I wrote it (Iron Jawed Angels version). I think the emotion of the song fits more than the actual words. Enjoy.

They had all gathered as usual. The time was the same, two in the afternoon all week except Monday. The set up was the same, chairs creating a circle. The same people were there. Mimi sat biting her nails and shaking her crossed leg back and forth. Sue quietly knitted an afghan waiting for the meeting to start. Roger leaned far back in his chair looking bored. Steve kept his hands in his leather jacket looking lost as he always appeared. Collins glanced over to the empty seat at his left still pained by Angel's absence. Mark stood by the stage preparing his camera. Although "Today 4 U" was finished, he still felt the need to tape his friends at the meetings. Especially now that Collins' health was slowly deteriorating. Everyone knew it was happening, they seen it happen with Angel. But the great sadness they had with Angel was diminished slightly, because they knew that Collins wished to be with her everyday. When the disease took hold, he would finally get his wish.

Collins shifted in his chair clearing his throat and looking across the circle at another empty chair. "Has anyone seen him lately?" He asked the group quietly. Steve finally snapped out of his trance. He shook his head glancing around the community center.

"I haven't seen him since our last meeting." Steve mumbled.

Mimi shrugged, "I'm sure he's just…running late." She said although her foot began to swing faster in the air.

Sue put down her knitting needles and glanced at Mimi, "He's never late. He's always here before the rest of us." Mark gulped looking at the door waiting for him to barge in any minute apologizing for his tardiness. A nervous hand rushing through his hair.

Roger got up out of his chair, "I'll go look upstairs." He headed for them and was soon followed by Steve. Mimi watched them go trying to ignore the tears in her eyes. They couldn't loose him. Not him.

Collins started to get up to go join them but Sue put her hand on his leg, "They'll be fine on their own." Collins leaned back nodding. Mark met eyes with Sue and gave her a small smile of thanks. His friend had to save all of the precious energy he had.

"Do you even know where he lives?" Roger whispered to Steve as they climbed the stairs. It had always seemed to him that Steve was a bit closer to the man than anyone else in the group.

Steve shook his head reaching the top of the stairs, "I've only seen him here and in his office. We could call him there if we need to…" Steve closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head, "All of the social workers have off on Tuesdays. He's not there."

Roger nodded moving towards the doors on the second floor of the community center. They were classrooms used mostly for the Boys and Girls club or some of the other larger organizations like Meals on Wheels. Both Steve and Roger remembered seeing him come out of one of the doors at the beginning of a meeting.

Steve slowly opened the first door, "Paul?" He asked the silence. The whole room was dark even though paintings of jack-in-the-boxes seemed to wave through it. Roger went to the next door calling out for the leader of Life Support. But like Steve he found nothing.

Mimi pressed her lips together hard, "He…he looked fine..right? On Sunday. He looked fine." She said quickly looking back and forth between Sue and Collins. The man stared at the ground and then back at her.

"Truthfully…I don't remember." Sue nodded in agreement with him.

"We're so busy…watching everyone else. Listening to their feelings. He never shares…have you noticed that?" Sue murmured picking up her knitting again even though she didn't start to work.

Collins closed his eyes while Mimi looked paler, "No…I never did." Her eyes raised up to see Roger and Steve head towards the last room together. They reached the door and pushed it slowly.

"Paul? Are you…" Roger's words faded as he saw Paul on the ground, "Oh no." Steve ran to his side and rolled him over. His hand went right away to the pulse on his neck although the cold skin told him enough. With a sob he looked up at Roger and shook his head. Steve closed his eyes tightly tears seeping through.

Roger gulped and looked back at the group wondering how they could survive this. First it was Gordon, the smart allelic who made everyone laugh. Then it was Pam, the kind-hearted woman who was always willing to be a shoulder to cry on. Ali was next, she was so young, a constant reminder that AIDS didn't discriminate. And Angel…But Paul had been there through all of their deaths. Reminding everyone else that they lived their lives to the fullest and that was what mattered. That their souls were finally at peace with their loved ones and finally they were free of disease. His quiet and gentle words had always calmed them. They were always truthful, he would never candy coat an issue. He had a confidence, a calm about him. It seemed as if he knew that no matter what, even through all the pain and suffering, everything would be all right in the end. This death, however…there was no one to comfort them. No one to hold their hand.

Steve stood up looking around the room in awe, "He lived here, man. Look." He pointed towards the floor. Roger looked down and saw a crude mattress made out of sofa cushions. A bag of clothes was crumpled in the corner. A sole picture frame of a little girl around the age of seven, lay on top of an old desk which was covered with files. Holding his breath, Roger leaned down and picked up a piece of paper that was close to Paul's body.

"My darling Susanna." Roger started unaware that Sue, Collins, and Mimi had formed outside of the door, slowly learning the truth, "I know I haven't called you in a while, but Daddy's been feeling under the weather. As soon as I feel better I'll call you right away. I want to hear all about your dance recital. Your grandmother sent me the pictures and you looked beautiful. As you always do. Daddy misses you. As I always do. I can't wait to hear your voice." Roger stopped for a moment, a knot forming in his throat. He let the paper fall from his hand and float towards the ground, "Love, Daddy." Sue covered her mouth.

"I didn't…I didn't even know he was a father." She said behind her hand. Mimi held onto Collins, her eyes glued to the body. Mark stopped by the door dropping his camera slowly

"None of us did." Steve said without emotion as he stared at a picture of Paul's daughter in a pink tutu, "He knew everything about us. All of our feelings, our fears. Our loves. But we didn't know a damn thing about him. He was so busy saving all of us…he couldn't save himself." Roger glanced down at the body tears forming in his eyes.

"I'd like to start." Roger said quietly, "I'm scared. And really mad…for not seeing this. For none of us…We can't let this happen again…my God he died alone." Steve walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

Collins leaned against the doorframe, "Paul always said, that when we died…we were finally at peace. All of his problems…his own needs that he held back from us…they're gone now. He's at peace. If anyone deserves it…he does." He glanced up at the ceiling, "Take care of him, baby."

Mark backed away, "I'll…I'll make the calls." He ran down the stairs and headed for the nearest payphone.

Sue watched him leave and then turned to the group, "We have to keep this going. Paul started it…we can't let it go." Steve nodded slowly his eyes lost in the distance again.

"But who will lead us?" Mimi asked her face filled with fear.

Roger walked over to her hugging her close, "I don't know, Mimi. I don't know."

Will the circle, be unbroken?  
Bye and bye, Lord, bye and bye.  
There's a better home a waiting,  
In the sky, Lord, in the sky.

-"Will the Circle Be Unkbroken" Traditional Bluegrass Song

Post: Yeah sorry all. I just really started to love the hell out of Paul so…you know what that means…he must die. My poor favorite characters. Thanks for reading!


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